A turning point maybe?

Funny and light-hearted are always so easy,but life isn't always that way.

I'm going to share something here that I haven't before.I'm sharing it because 1)I feel like we might be at a turning point and I feel good about it.2)I would appreciate ya'll in our corner;)You've all been so good to me.3) there will probably be bad days and instead of hiding I'd like to be able to be honest.4)There isn't as much help for this sorta thing as you may think

The short version is....I found out a few years ago that my guy had a gambling problem.I was shocked although I'm not sure why, the signs were all there.I thought ok I can deal with this we've dealt with other things.It didn't really work out that way.We are still sitting here three years later trying to figure this all out.There have been many ups and downs,goods and bads.Now I just want our life back!


At first we set DD aside,then brought it back,we let it go again and so on....

The past few months we haven't really communicated or been connected. I didn't want DD anymore. My heart just wasn't in it.I felt it was more hurtful than helpful.Shannon felt we needed it.When he attempted it I made it really difficult.I'm not proud of that.He also has struggled with guilt and not feeling worthy of being HOH.My being difficult just made it that much harder for him.At times he felt it wasn't worth the fight with me.Things were getting ugly. We both stopped trying and avoided each other.Other than a few occasions when things felt somewhat normal.

Recently we had a heart to heart....One of those lay it out on the table even if it's hard kinda talks.It wasn't fun but it was needed.During our talk we were able to share a lot of things that have never been mentioned. I realized some things about myself that I'm not happy with.One thing we both agreed is our family and marriage are to important to let go of.One thing I was shocked by is how most of our issues are not the gambling itself but all the little 'side effects' of the gambling.That may not makes sense to everyone.

One day at a time and one foot in front of the other....we will get there though.

One of the things I realized about myself is that I'm angry and I'm bitter and it's not helpful in moving forward.It's easy to sit back and feel like he should fix it because he messed it up.It doesn't work that way we both have to do the work and neither of us have been doing our part.

The trust and respect are damaged,not gone just damaged.I know most agree that trust and respect are very important to DD and I agree.I also think sometimes things are not normal and you have to reach outside the box for answers.With that said we agreed that DD will be here because honestly it just has to be.DD is a big part of our lives and it's helped us keep our heads above water many times.Without it our communication and connection go away and now is not the time for that.

The good part is everything is out in the open for us now and we can fix what needs fixin.How to fix it is the hard part.We know we need to talk and keep talking even when it hurts sometimes and I think finally we are both ready to do that.We've spent alot of time dancing around some of the real issues.

There has been some talk on a forum we are apart of about a six week excersise.We are doing a trial run of that so we can tweak what needs tweaking and see if it might be beneficial for us.It's mostly a connection thing for us.I'll give more info about it if we decide that it might be for us.

I want to end by saying Shannon's made a lot of progress with the gambling and I'm very proud of him.

Does it work for you?

I'd like to say I never pout,but that wouldn't be the truth.I don't do it often.Sometimes it works and mostly it doesn't.;)

Do you do it?

Does it really work?


Have a great day everyone!!!

Just for fun!

I have been busy lately,but I don't want to neglect my blog any longer.I found some cute finds recently while we were out of town.My goal is to post the pictures of those finds with just a short question or comment to go along with it.

So here goes....

What get's you on the naughty list the quickest or most often? Anyone want to share?

For me it would have to be attitude.I get my feelings hurt or something and snap without thinking it through.It's the one thing Shannon say's he will still be spanking me for at 80 LOL! I have got tons better at it over the years though,so maybe there is still hope.

Have a great day everyone!!!

Sometimes you just don't wanna.

There was a coversation elsewhere recently about how hard it can be once DD becomes apart of a relationship.It wasn't exacty that, but close.Either way I could relate to it,as I think a lot of us can.So I thought I'd ramble.

As helpful as DD can be,sometimes you just don't wanna.I remember in our earlier years of marriage spankings only happened about 4 times a year.Neither one of us was sure spanking was normal or healthy for a marriage so Shannon reserved it for pretty major things.Once we got a look at the internet and found out that it was more normal than we thought things changed.Spankings happened more frequently and I got spanked for things that I didn't before.Another big change for us was submission.In our early years even though Shannon was the HOH and spanked,submissive I was not!Actually I'm still not,but it can be our little secret.;)

When things first started to change it wasn't so bad.It was new and instantly there were some pretty amazing changes going on.There was an openess,we communicated better.The better communication brought about closeness and that did amazing things for our sex life.I guess those changes made it seem not so bad.

At some point things settle down and DD is there....ALL THE TIME!!It's not new anymore either and it's just really hard.Spankings happen in times and moments when you just don't feel like it.You also realize that when they say they are going to spank if you do x,they really mean every single time you do it!Who would have thunk it?

The good thing about this very difficult,overwhelming time for me was major growth happened and I ended up in a pretty good place.Unless of course we are working on something like ummm lets just say,smoking. Then overwhelming feelings come back and you feel like destroying every implement he owns,but you know it will pass;)

Have a good day everyone!