The embarrasment never goes away

It amazes me that no matter how long we do this a certain degree of embarrasment is always there.It's just a matter of to what degree and for me that changes.Last night we had a reconnection of sorts.I was beyond embarrassed afterwards.We were at the point when it was over and we were just talking.I was quiet and I think he was feeling that something was wrong and maybe he should continue.I was telling myself to just say something so he'd know that continuing wasn't necessary.It wasn't long before he caught on and asked "Are you embarrassed?" He acted kinda shocked lol! Then he told me not to be and that this is what we do and there is nothing to be embarrassed about.I felt better,but somehow I don't think it will stop me from being embarrassed in the future.Oh well it comes with the territory,I guess.

As far as the smoking...I've been doing better and making some changes on my own.I really like KayLynn's advice and decided to do that.Right now I'm just going to be writing down the times I resist and then I'll gradually change that.I also decided to have a certain spot that I smoke in.That doesn't seem like much but it does help.As of right now Shannon is just asking that I write down everytime I open a pack.The first time was horrible but it has slowly got better.I'm also taking Sugaranne's advice of enjoying the small goals.So baby steps,but I'm feeling good about it.

Have a great day everyone!