Not totally innocent,but not completely guilty either.

Yesterday I woke up ready to tackle the day.I even remembered the trash before the trash guys came.I had nothing but good intentions.Why or how it went so wrong I don't know.It seems every choice I made was the wrong one.I'm not saying I'm totally innocent I know I did things wrong....It's just that I didn't mean to.

Tuesday is the night that a few of us get together and chat.I don't always get to go,but when I do it's a lot of fun.I cleaned all day and made an easy dinner so that I could make chat no problem.Later in the evening Shannon ask to see my journal and my pack of smokes.Nothing about what he saw made him happy.He shot me a look,but said nothing.A little later I mentioned it was chat night.He said "you didn't log all your cigarettes you don't get to chat." I was like wha??? You didn't tell me that?? I was a tad upset and decided to text with a friend for awhile(like 2 hours yikes!)

Next thing I know Shannon says "Do you think you can put your phone down long enough to take a bath?" I said yes I can put my phone down long enough to take bath and I giggled...Ok so I was clueless to the big flashing neon sign that said he was pissed.We get to the bath and he ask if there is a reason I'd been ignoring him for the last two hours.I told him I hadn't been ignoring him,or at least I didn't mean to if I had.He didn't agree, he said I was pissed that I couldn't chat so I ignored him and I would have to give up my phone for the night and think about why I ignored him.Well.....yes I was pissed and yes I could see why he saw it the way he did.Did I ignore him on purpose? No.I made sure to talk to him as the evening went on and we got things ready for bed.

I knew I'd be spanked for not journaling and missing the goal.He was holding the wooden spoon and said "I told you to journal your cigarettes and you can't seem to do that.I spanked you for it last night and I'm not telling you anymore.If you don't journal you get spanked it's that simple." He wasn't messing around and he let me have it! I thought for sure it was for not journaling AND for missing the goal.When he was done he told me to wait right there and he left.When he came back he had the huge paddle.(the flea market find,the decorated one the one we drilled holes in ugh!)I spent a few minutes backed up to the wall refusing to get in position and earning extra as he counted.Yeah not exactly my smartest move I know,but I did eventually get my wits about me and take the spanking.When it was over I slid down on the floor pretty sure I had taken the last swat that I could take.He left again,I figured he was giving me some space to collect myself like he often does.Ummmm no! I hear the jingle of his belt buckle and he tells me to stand up and bend back over.He says "If you are upset with me or I've done something you need to talk to me.Your not going to ignore me because your mad I won't put up with it."


I was a snowball and he was the tree at the bottom of the hill......Today will be better right?