Not totally innocent,but not completely guilty either.

Yesterday I woke up ready to tackle the day.I even remembered the trash before the trash guys came.I had nothing but good intentions.Why or how it went so wrong I don't know.It seems every choice I made was the wrong one.I'm not saying I'm totally innocent I know I did things wrong....It's just that I didn't mean to.

Tuesday is the night that a few of us get together and chat.I don't always get to go,but when I do it's a lot of fun.I cleaned all day and made an easy dinner so that I could make chat no problem.Later in the evening Shannon ask to see my journal and my pack of smokes.Nothing about what he saw made him happy.He shot me a look,but said nothing.A little later I mentioned it was chat night.He said "you didn't log all your cigarettes you don't get to chat." I was like wha??? You didn't tell me that?? I was a tad upset and decided to text with a friend for awhile(like 2 hours yikes!)

Next thing I know Shannon says "Do you think you can put your phone down long enough to take a bath?" I said yes I can put my phone down long enough to take bath and I giggled...Ok so I was clueless to the big flashing neon sign that said he was pissed.We get to the bath and he ask if there is a reason I'd been ignoring him for the last two hours.I told him I hadn't been ignoring him,or at least I didn't mean to if I had.He didn't agree, he said I was pissed that I couldn't chat so I ignored him and I would have to give up my phone for the night and think about why I ignored him.Well.....yes I was pissed and yes I could see why he saw it the way he did.Did I ignore him on purpose? No.I made sure to talk to him as the evening went on and we got things ready for bed.

I knew I'd be spanked for not journaling and missing the goal.He was holding the wooden spoon and said "I told you to journal your cigarettes and you can't seem to do that.I spanked you for it last night and I'm not telling you anymore.If you don't journal you get spanked it's that simple." He wasn't messing around and he let me have it! I thought for sure it was for not journaling AND for missing the goal.When he was done he told me to wait right there and he left.When he came back he had the huge paddle.(the flea market find,the decorated one the one we drilled holes in ugh!)I spent a few minutes backed up to the wall refusing to get in position and earning extra as he counted.Yeah not exactly my smartest move I know,but I did eventually get my wits about me and take the spanking.When it was over I slid down on the floor pretty sure I had taken the last swat that I could take.He left again,I figured he was giving me some space to collect myself like he often does.Ummmm no! I hear the jingle of his belt buckle and he tells me to stand up and bend back over.He says "If you are upset with me or I've done something you need to talk to me.Your not going to ignore me because your mad I won't put up with it."


I was a snowball and he was the tree at the bottom of the hill......Today will be better right?

Communication block

Authors get writers block.... I'm having a communication block.I have started so many post in the last month or so and then just never felt confident enough to hit the button that puts it out there.Same thing with normal everyday conversation I just don't know what to say at all these days unless it's about normal day to day stuff.My communication with Shannon has been the same. I can't communicate the things I need or want to.I have no clue why I'm having this problem,but it's rather annoying.So bare with me and if you have any suggestions that would be great.

We had another wonderful weekend.I'm a huge music fan..like huge huge lol! Mostly country music, old and new.So Shannon got tickets to a concert for our date night.I was totally excited!Friday evening he came home with beautiful flowers. We got dressed and headed out for the concert.It was amazing and we had the best time.Saturday we took our three kids and six others to the haunted corn maze.I'm not really into scary stuff,but I had my sexy guy to protect me and the kids just loved it.Sunday we sent all extra kids home and enjoyed watching some football.

Later that night as I was heading to bed Shannon asked me to pick an implement.I was getting a choice so I figured it was going to be a GG.I picked the crop,it's the only thing that can be gentle in my opinion.It turns out I had to trade it in for something less noisy.I picked the OTK cane and made him promise to be gentle, which he was.It was a really nice way to end such a wonderful weekend.I really love these kinda weekends they don't happen nearly as often as I like.

I don't feel like discussing smoking today so no update.

I hope ya'll have a wonderful day!!

Love Our Lurkers Day

This is my first time to participate in the "Love our Lurkers" that Bonnie started five years ago.

It's a day for us to say 'thank you' to all our readers.I was a lurker for several years,I wasn't sure about commenting.I finally did it and have met so many wonderful people. You don't have to be bashful lurkers, I would love to hear from you! You can share whatever you like or a simple hello is just fine :)

A great weekend!

We had a wonderful weekend.Shannon's been working like crazy and we were really needing some time together.He got an unexpected weekend off,no jobs called out.The kids all had friends over,we watched scary movies and put up halloween decoration.My son did most the work on the roof while the rest of us did the ones on the ground.Several people drove by to look and would tell us how nice it looked or give us the thumbs up.

Later that evening the kids set off the fog machines(neither my lungs,nor my asthma appreciated that)and the strobe lights and we all played sardines.Thankfully Shannon was home or I wouldn't have been able to sleep a wink.

Sunday we all camped out in front of the t.v. to watch football.My Boys lost,but it was still tons of fun to have a football day!

The kids only go to school two days this week then they are off for fall break.I'm so excited about having them home for awhile!I'm sure they will have friends over and will be going over to their friends,but it should be a nice break for all of us.

Smoking update:I'm doing really good down to eight and I think seven tomorrow.Slowly but surely it's getting easier.I notive myself lighting up taking a few puffs and putting it down.That's really good,eventually it won't be worth my time anymore.Thank ya'll for all the encouragement!

Have a great day everyone!