Sometimes you just don't wanna.

There was a coversation elsewhere recently about how hard it can be once DD becomes apart of a relationship.It wasn't exacty that, but close.Either way I could relate to it,as I think a lot of us can.So I thought I'd ramble.

As helpful as DD can be,sometimes you just don't wanna.I remember in our earlier years of marriage spankings only happened about 4 times a year.Neither one of us was sure spanking was normal or healthy for a marriage so Shannon reserved it for pretty major things.Once we got a look at the internet and found out that it was more normal than we thought things changed.Spankings happened more frequently and I got spanked for things that I didn't before.Another big change for us was submission.In our early years even though Shannon was the HOH and spanked,submissive I was not!Actually I'm still not,but it can be our little secret.;)

When things first started to change it wasn't so bad.It was new and instantly there were some pretty amazing changes going on.There was an openess,we communicated better.The better communication brought about closeness and that did amazing things for our sex life.I guess those changes made it seem not so bad.

At some point things settle down and DD is there....ALL THE TIME!!It's not new anymore either and it's just really hard.Spankings happen in times and moments when you just don't feel like it.You also realize that when they say they are going to spank if you do x,they really mean every single time you do it!Who would have thunk it?

The good thing about this very difficult,overwhelming time for me was major growth happened and I ended up in a pretty good place.Unless of course we are working on something like ummm lets just say,smoking. Then overwhelming feelings come back and you feel like destroying every implement he owns,but you know it will pass;)

Have a good day everyone!

Wanted to share

I still can't seem to write anything.So until then I thought I'd share the song below.It's one of my favs and it really speaks to me these days.

Have a great day everyone!

Cristy Lane - He Sees My Heart

Not totally innocent,but not completely guilty either.

Yesterday I woke up ready to tackle the day.I even remembered the trash before the trash guys came.I had nothing but good intentions.Why or how it went so wrong I don't know.It seems every choice I made was the wrong one.I'm not saying I'm totally innocent I know I did things wrong....It's just that I didn't mean to.

Tuesday is the night that a few of us get together and chat.I don't always get to go,but when I do it's a lot of fun.I cleaned all day and made an easy dinner so that I could make chat no problem.Later in the evening Shannon ask to see my journal and my pack of smokes.Nothing about what he saw made him happy.He shot me a look,but said nothing.A little later I mentioned it was chat night.He said "you didn't log all your cigarettes you don't get to chat." I was like wha??? You didn't tell me that?? I was a tad upset and decided to text with a friend for awhile(like 2 hours yikes!)

Next thing I know Shannon says "Do you think you can put your phone down long enough to take a bath?" I said yes I can put my phone down long enough to take bath and I giggled...Ok so I was clueless to the big flashing neon sign that said he was pissed.We get to the bath and he ask if there is a reason I'd been ignoring him for the last two hours.I told him I hadn't been ignoring him,or at least I didn't mean to if I had.He didn't agree, he said I was pissed that I couldn't chat so I ignored him and I would have to give up my phone for the night and think about why I ignored him.Well.....yes I was pissed and yes I could see why he saw it the way he did.Did I ignore him on purpose? No.I made sure to talk to him as the evening went on and we got things ready for bed.

I knew I'd be spanked for not journaling and missing the goal.He was holding the wooden spoon and said "I told you to journal your cigarettes and you can't seem to do that.I spanked you for it last night and I'm not telling you anymore.If you don't journal you get spanked it's that simple." He wasn't messing around and he let me have it! I thought for sure it was for not journaling AND for missing the goal.When he was done he told me to wait right there and he left.When he came back he had the huge paddle.(the flea market find,the decorated one the one we drilled holes in ugh!)I spent a few minutes backed up to the wall refusing to get in position and earning extra as he counted.Yeah not exactly my smartest move I know,but I did eventually get my wits about me and take the spanking.When it was over I slid down on the floor pretty sure I had taken the last swat that I could take.He left again,I figured he was giving me some space to collect myself like he often does.Ummmm no! I hear the jingle of his belt buckle and he tells me to stand up and bend back over.He says "If you are upset with me or I've done something you need to talk to me.Your not going to ignore me because your mad I won't put up with it."


I was a snowball and he was the tree at the bottom of the hill......Today will be better right?